Feel What You Feel


As moms, we have so much pressure on us to be perfect. Society expects us to seamlessly transition into the selfless role of motherhood, leaving all emotions and feelings that aren't positive in the past. This leads to many mothers suppressing their emotions instead of expressing them.  So often, when we're having these emotions, we feel isolated and alone like we're the only ones experiencing it but having these feelings is more common than not. The truth is that motherhood is filled with many emotions, including happiness, but many of the emotions that we experience as mothers aren't always happy and fluffy. 


Overwhelmed -  You now have a whole human being to take care of that's completely dependent on you, which essentially means that your workload has doubled. As a mom, it literally feels as if your to-do-list is never ending. Even sitting down for a few moments to rest can feel as if you're wasting precious time not doing more important things that will just pile up if you don't attend to them immediately! No matter how many hours a day you devote to the maintenance of your home and the care of your children, you feel as if you've barely scratched the surface. 


Loss of self - You can probably name at least one thing that you miss about your pre-kid life. Not everything about it but enough things to make you feel nostalgic from time to time. For some reason, when a mom mentions that she misses anything about her old life, she's made to seem as if she's unhappy in her new life or unappreciative of what she has. That's not what it means at all and the fear of people thinking that way causes a lot of mom's to not feel comfortable talking about it. When we never give ourselves the opportunity to properly mourn the parts of their lives that we left behind and miss which can lead to a feeling of loss of self. 


Lack of control - So much of being a parent is outside of your control and the younger your baby is the more frequently they go through changes. As a parent you have no choice but to constantly adapt to those changes. When your situation seems to always be changing as soon as you get the hang of it, it's no wonder that a frequent feeling associated with motherhood is loss of control. That lack of control leads us to feel as if we have no clue what we're doing and oftentimes as if we're not doing a good enough job or failing. 


Predictable - It sounds like a big huge contradiction to talk about how unpredictable motherhood is, then follow it up by saying that it's predictable. But it's true and that's why its such a confusing feeling. Having a baby means adopting a routine and having a routine means that any spontaneity you have goes straight out of the door. Routine is great for your baby and helps them to sleep and adjust better (it also helps you maintain your sanity) but doing the same thing over and over again each day can make you feel like you're stuck in an endless loop of boredom. 


Inadequate - Supermom is the standard that we all seem to be told to strive for, BUT there is only so much that one person can accomplish in a day and as a result, we're bound to fall short most of the time. Even if you are one of those moms that manages to make it look effortless, chances are you're compromising your own self care and running on fumes. It seems impossible to truly achieve balance as a mother and this inability to do so makes us constantly question and second guess what we do or whether or not we truly are doing enough. 


Exhausted - It goes without saying that most moms are exhausted. As much as you think it goes away once your child starts sleeping through the night, it doesn't. You may start to get physical rest but your brain is still overworking and overthinking which is draining. Add to that, caring for a little one who's needs you must meet and in many cases anticipate and you'll have an explanation to why you're always yawning. 


Uncertain - There are so many different ways to do things as a mom and I'm always worried that I'm not making the right decision. We live in a world that makes us think that because our bodies are made to carry children that we're supposed to be complete naturals from the day we have a baby at taking care of them. Taking care of a baby, however is a daily learning experience and feeling uncertain about the choices we make is a daily part of motherhood.


Guilty - There's something that happens to moms that makes us believe that our entire identity must now conform to our tiny humans and causes us to feel guilty whenever we do anything for ourselves. You are not alone. I've not met a mom yet that doesn't have some level of mom guilt. Mom guilt is just something that seems to come along with the territory. A big reason for the guilt is tied to other emotions that we feel like inadequacy and uncertainty. We also constantly worry about what other people think about us and our role as mothers which further piles on to the guilt.